‘She’s just impossible to please’, the young accountant mumbled to himself after he left her office. He had prepared what he thought was a great analysis of the issue she asked him to investigate and yet she was upset because he didn’t do it her way. Meanwhile she sat at her desk wondering if he will ever get it right and if he has any potential to grow and improve. Of course skill and technical matters may be the problem but very often it is a matter of communicating and understanding expectations. It happens in our personal lives as well. “I thought when you said we’d stop in on the way to the lake you meant for a few minutes. I didn’t know we would be with those people all afternoon and most of the evening!”
Assumptions we make are one of the most common obstacles to good communication. We tell ourselves stories about what the other person meant, intended or wants. Then we respond or react to the assumptions as if they are facts. When one or more other people do the same the compound effect can lead to further problems.
Continuing our series highlighting The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz the third Agreement is ‘Don’t make assumptions’. That is done by careful listening, asking good clarifying questions, and not avoiding difficult topics. Also it means being in touch with our own emotions and finding ways to honestly articulate them to ourselves as well as others rather than acting out so the other person knows we’re upset. This one agreement can transform lives and relationships.
On its own not making assumptions would be difficult to do but by adhering to the first two agreements; “Be impeccable with your word’ and ‘Don’t take anything personally’ it can be much more natural. To review those you can check our newsletter archive.
We appreciate your continuing updates and feedback about your journey on this path from those of you who are following it.
